So I'm at my girlfriend's... Heartthrob is between the cities and the gf's... so I paid a visit.
They looked at my rig and said they can't do anything, but here's why.
A couple years ago, they did a dual exhaust kit for someone's Suburban. The owner then went out and had an aftermarket trailer hitch installed, and it pushed the spare tire against the exhaust. Then, one day not long after the second install, on the highway, the spare tire caught fire and the SUV burned to the ground.
Heartthrob, despite being able to prove no liability, was held responsible. Their insurance paid for the SUV and told the company: "no more dual exhausts on SUVs."
They said it would be tough on the Escape already. It can be done with some sacrifice to ground clearance or by just removing the spare tire, but I am sorta wary of doing that, so it might just be a standard single-out exhaust job in the end. Would rather spend $400-$500 at a local shop than get Magnaflow from eBay.
Cheers.