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These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________ ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis,
does it affect your memory at all?!
WITN ESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband
said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour,
I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you
suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height
and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which
I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law.
 

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:lol: :hyst: :clap:

Details, details, details...

"Did you actually pass the bar exam?"

:hyst:
 

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:hyst: :hyst: :lol: :lol: :hyst: :hyst:

Oww the laughing hurt my spleen
 

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lol those were pretty funny :lol:
 

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and they have to go to school to learn to be a lawyer? :lol: :hyst: :hyst: :clap:
 

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TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!

:D :hyst: :D
:thumb: :thumb:
 

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Enough with the intellectual talk, your hurting my head already! :spank:
 
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