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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

14. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

15. Real women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 130 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

16. Real men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 130 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

18. There is a common held belief that highspeed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front. This is true.

19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.

20. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

21. It's O.K when driving in suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one or two finger salute" while screaming out "JERK". But it is imperative you are driving a turbocharged V6 or a 5 litre V8, with a crow bar in your lap.

22. Get rid of the rear view mirrors....what's behind me does not matter....

23. Always keep up your speed when someone in front of you signals, slows, and makes a right or left hand turn. It's Ok to honk at them too. Especially if the turn is legal

24. Where two or even three lanes yield into one, always stay in the ending lane passing as many as possible, the cut into the continuing lane at the very last moment. It is also more fun when everyone else is trying it too!

25. On long straight quiet country roads with no other traffic, if you see one lonely oncoming car in the distance, always gradually drift into his lane, until your halfway across by the time he's right beside you.

26. If approaching a stop sign, aways run it. Bonus points for making oncoming traffic slam on the binders, to allow you in, and avoiding a near miss. Even more bonus points when this car you cut off is the only one visible for miles around.

27. Always park too far from the curb and swing your door open without looking.

28. True: Talking on a cell phone helps someone drive carefully.

29. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, therefore: I'll get there faster by "cutting all the corners"

30. Always be in a hurry and drive as fast as possible, even if it's just to get a coffee at Timmy's then go back home,
 

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:lol: :clap: :clap: :thumb: :thumb:

A good many of those apply to the idiot drivers around here !! :yes:
 

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:hyst: :clap:

CrashNburn said:
<snip> 30. Always be in a hurry and drive as fast as possible, even if it's just to get a coffee at Timmy's then go back home


These sound like portions of a paperback that my sister bought me as a Christmas stocking-stuffer several years ago: How To Drive Like A Selfish Bastard.

My favorite line in that book: The truth about turn signals: it's nobody else's business to know which way you're going.

:lol:
 

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LOL So many of those apply to me! That's awesome!
 

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:hyst: :hyst:

Required reading around here...
 

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Thank you for sharing those informative driving tips!!!! :clap: :lol: :clap:
 

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CrashNburn said:
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Unfortunately, that is the truth here in Jacksonville :cuss:
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ajax said:
CrashNburn said:
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Unfortunately, that is the truth here in Jacksonville :cuss:
in any major city ive driven in thats not a rule, its almost a law for survival. only because if you left a safe distance you would starve before you made it home for dinner :rant: :wall:
 

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Once I join the OPP...things will change. :rant: :rant: :rant: :rant:
 

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Lemme give you my plate number so that you can let me go whenever we go to TO.

:D
 

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Maybe I should just take the ticket.

:bill:
 

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I had a run in (almost literally) with a donor bike this morning on the way in to work. Idiot!!

I think they have one rule.

1.) Do everything in your power to kill yourself.

I don't mean to stereotype all donor bike riders, but more often that not they ride with no regard for self-preservation. I hope for this person's sake they calm down.

Excuse the mini rant.
 

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I never would have been able to drive without those informative driving tips.
Now I can go blend in with the other motorists. :play:
 
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