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Subject: FW: INSTALLING A HUSBAND"Dear Tech Support:
"Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
:wall: "Signed, Desperate"

"Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package :party: , while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System :roll: . Please enter the command: 'I Thought You Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 :cry: , and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update ;-| .
"If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5 :) . But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 :( , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta :boring: . Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 :shock: (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
"Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program :stop: . These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program :thumb: , but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly :shrug: . You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7 :yahoo: . Older versions of Husband 1.0 may require some reinitialization of the software :wave: . If software fails to reinitialize it may require that the system be rebooted.
"Good Luck, Tech Support INSTALLING A HUSBAND"
 

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Morning Sex.....

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in and
she turns and says, "You've got to make love to me -- this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to
lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all right there
on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove. More than a
little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."
 

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....of course if all fails you can install Vista Divorce and go back to boyfriend XP. :wall:
 

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That was toooo funny!!! :lol:

Bilbo said:
She explains, "The egg timer's broken."
:hyst: :hyst:
 

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Installing a wife.
Dear IT Support,

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000.

Shortly after this upgrade however I then discovered that Wife1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processing that also drains my resources.

It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.

When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT programme it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2001, but there could be problems: a friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2001 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before un-installing itself.

Please can you help me.

Joe.

**Response from IT**

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "utilities & entertainment" program.

Wife1.0 is an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 1.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 1.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing would be gained.

It is impossible for you to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife1.0 is not designed to do this.

Mistress 2001 is a possibility but your friend is right about the effect this has on your MS Money files.

The temptation after that is to install Girlfriend 1.3 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system - (look in your manual under "warnings - alimony/child support"). I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibility for every fault and problem that might occur, regardless of its cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command c:.

In any case, avoid excessive use of the "esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the apologise command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0, but do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
 

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I knew that was coming.....

That was funny too. :lol:

I guess what makes them funny, though, is the truth in all the humor.
 

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Bilbo said:
Morning Sex.....

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in and
she turns and says, "You've got to make love to me -- this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to
lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all right there
on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove. More than a
little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."
LOL !! Good One !! :lol: :clap: :clap:
 

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:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
This whole thread should be deleted for making my sides ache.
 

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jpark said:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
:hyst:
This whole thread should be deleted for making my sides ache.
You mean a "system restore"...the only place in the world that let's you go back in time to fix a screw-up.
 

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Not if I do a defrag first...

:hyst:
 

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jpark said:
Not if I do a defrag first...

:hyst:
I'm not sure you can "defrag" a husband....Aren't they born that way? :shrug:
 

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If you factor in the tools scattered all over the workbench, they count as fragments.

:bill:
 

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jpark said:
If you factor in the tools scattered all over the workbench, they count as fragments.

:bill:
...ahh, OK, one more time. I don't think you can "defrag" a husband...I think they're born that way. :shrug:

 

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This time around, I got that.

The Takus Soma Tima Tosinkinus is kicking in again.

:bill:
 

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jpark said:
This time around, I got that.

The Takus Soma Tima Tosinkinus is kicking in again.

:bill:
....it can happen, no problem.
 

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What happens when it happens more often than one would like?
 
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