Living in the State of Matrimony

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

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A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .

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A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how mu ch does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

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A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

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Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.'

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

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'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'