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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
In case you need a laugh:
Remember that it takes a college degree to fly a plane ,but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet" which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, and document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the Gripe Sheet before the next flight.
Never let it be said that Aussie ground crews lack a sense of humor.
here are some actual complaints submitted by Qantas polots (marked with a P) and the solution recorded (marked as an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way Qantas is the only airline that has never, ever had an acciden.

P: Left inside tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaces left inside tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable volume.

P: Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoprative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoprative in OFF mode.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.............(Love this one)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogramed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And my favorite is last............
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
 

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:hyst: :clap:

"Live bugs on back order."

"Evidence removed."

"Engine found on right wing after brief search."

:hyst: :clap:
 

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my brother in law is a pilot, he said some of the things people use to describe problems actually makes it harder for the techs to find the fault. and once he was sitting on the tarmac waiting his turn to taxi and a plane was being towed by a truck and they hit his plane. all the passengers had to be of loaded and put on a different plane. the plane they were towing was brand new. and it cost about 1,000,000 bucks HAHA
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Sounds about right. I do work for the FAA, and used to work at both Love Field in Dallas, and DFW in Fort Worth (Actually it's in Euless, Grapevine and Irving). I got to hear about and see lots of faux pas!
 

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Too funny!!!! Made my morning, thanks!
:thumb: :lol: :hyst: :lol: :thumb:
 

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In a previous job, I worked Airside at my local international airport, which operated a "No Blame" culture, as long as you owned up to what you had done, they took no further action.
One incident involved a fuel tanker driving under a wing of a DC10, and needless to say, they met, and the wing ended up being badly damaged, as it hit the ground.
Because the tanker driver said "oops, I think I hit that plane", HE KEPT HIS JOB!!!!!!!
 

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camusdarrach said:
HE KEPT HIS JOB!!!!!!!
:shock: :shock: :shock: :doh:
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
camusdarrach said:
In a previous job, I worked Airside at my local international airport, which operated a "No Blame" culture, as long as you owned up to what you had done, they took no further action.
One incident involved a fuel tanker driving under a wing of a DC10, and needless to say, they met, and the wing ended up being badly damaged, as it hit the ground.
Because the tanker driver said "oops, I think I hit that plane", HE KEPT HIS JOB!!!!!!!
That's the spirit!

Hmmmmmmmm...... :doh:
 

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i know a guy who got charged with conduct unbecoming for hitting an army truck with another army truck (on purpose) and he tried to hide the damage by putting a new crash guard on it but the bumper was all messed up. so it got noticed. he was tolled flat out that if he had driven back to the shop and tolled the boss that he smashed the truck, they would have ordered the new parts and he would have just had to put them on. (long story short.. for part of a course he was instructed to flip a truck on its side so guys could practice flipping it back over with the tow truck. he flipped it with the front of his truck instead or pulling it over like he was tolled). cost him i think 1000 bucks. would have been 0 if he admitted to it.
 

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camusdarrach said:
Because the tanker driver said "oops, I think I hit that plane", HE KEPT HIS JOB!!!!!!!
TBH. I think their 'No blame' poilcy is a very smart way of operating

In areas where safety is absolutely paramount, I'm glad that there are people who understand human behaviour.

If they take people to task for damaging the aircraft, people won't own up to it. If it doesn't get spotted, in worst case scenarios, you're looking at planes falling out of the sky. :fan:
 

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camusdarrach said:
In a previous job, I worked Airside at my local international airport, which operated a "No Blame" culture, as long as you owned up to what you had done, they took no further action.
One incident involved a fuel tanker driving under a wing of a DC10, and needless to say, they met, and the wing ended up being badly damaged, as it hit the ground.
Because the tanker driver said "oops, I think I hit that plane", HE KEPT HIS JOB!!!!!!!
As an AME (Aircraft Maintenance Engineer) for almost 30 years now and with much experience working on the DC10, both in line mtce and heavy overhaul I'm having a hard time grasping your last few words "as it hit the ground". Your going to have to elaborate a little on that one.
Thanx.
 

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Basically, the plane was in a parking area, being cleaned/checked over etc for its next flight, when it was hit by the tanker, and the wing fell off!!!
No amount of :whistle: by the tanker driver could have hid that one :lol
 

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Not unless he tried a really spectacular cig flip...

:bill:
 

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Diverting attention is sometimes so easy.

:lol:
 

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camusdarrach said:
Basically, the plane was in a parking area, being cleaned/checked over etc for its next flight, when it was hit by the tanker, and the wing fell off!!!
No amount of :whistle: by the tanker driver could have hid that one :lol
Mmmm....Scratch my previous comment about it not being spotted. I would hope even the most moronic employee would realise a plane with 1 wing just isn't right. :doh:
 

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I take it you've never worked airside, then :lol: :lol: :lol:
I mean, the security at LBA was rubbish, they had employed immigrants from Poland, AFTER sep 11th, they let anybody airside, but the overiding memory of my time there was when a Pakistan airlines plane landed, more people jumped out of the cargo hold, than climbed out of the staircase, the fire brigade rounded most of the illeagals up, after a chase, but at least 10 escaped, never to be seen again.............. :doh:
 

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camusdarrach said:
I take it you've never worked airside, then :lol: :lol: :lol:
I mean, the security at LBA was rubbish, they had employed immigrants from Poland, AFTER sep 11th, they let anybody airside, but the overiding memory of my time there was when a Pakistan airlines plane landed, more people jumped out of the cargo hold, than climbed out of the staircase, the fire brigade rounded most of the illeagals up, after a chase, but at least 10 escaped, never to be seen again.............. :doh:
Methinks Southall might be a good place to start looking. :yes:
 
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