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Employees:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, management has decided to implement a program to place workers who are 40 years of age and above, on early retirement. This program will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can also apply for eligibility in the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who are RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only receive AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. If you feel you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Respectfully,

Human Resources Management
 

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sounds like some days at my place of employment lol. only i dont have to worry about my pay cheque cause its from the government,
 
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